In November last year I had an interview for an art course and was offered a place.
Its only a certificate course but its a new concept. Last year when I was
dreaming of maybe doing a course I couldn’t decide which medium I would choose –
this course does all my interests and more. The guy who runs it is just
brimming with passion and I really want to do it but I feel I may be taking a
serious risk by pushing myself to get there. At the moment life is just all
illness and I don’t know whether the benefits of having something else to think
about are going to outweigh the physical effort it will take to do it. The
course is 3 days a week but the staff seem to understand that my attendance may
be extremely minimal. I swapped groups so that my first studio subject is
ceramics. That way I can maybe do some at home and won’t be missing too much.
Hopefully later in the year I will be stronger and able to attend more. LOL?
I think of what Di says about pushing ones’ self and Dr Myhills saying that you
have to be OK on the sofa before you can move onto the next level. And my
instinct last year was that life was now a bit like a series of rings which
gradually increase – my sofa/bed, my loungeroom, my house, my yard, my
letterbox, etc. and my instincts are telling me I am leaping from the sofa
straight to the rest of the world. Is just knuckling down and concentrating
solely on ones health being realistic or self absorbed. If I am going to push
myself to do something should it be making J & R’s life easier (having house
and meals organised etc) or will there be benefits that flow from this ‘me’
time?
Its only a certificate course but its a new concept. Last year when I was
dreaming of maybe doing a course I couldn’t decide which medium I would choose –
this course does all my interests and more. The guy who runs it is just
brimming with passion and I really want to do it but I feel I may be taking a
serious risk by pushing myself to get there. At the moment life is just all
illness and I don’t know whether the benefits of having something else to think
about are going to outweigh the physical effort it will take to do it. The
course is 3 days a week but the staff seem to understand that my attendance may
be extremely minimal. I swapped groups so that my first studio subject is
ceramics. That way I can maybe do some at home and won’t be missing too much.
Hopefully later in the year I will be stronger and able to attend more. LOL?
I think of what Di says about pushing ones’ self and Dr Myhills saying that you
have to be OK on the sofa before you can move onto the next level. And my
instinct last year was that life was now a bit like a series of rings which
gradually increase – my sofa/bed, my loungeroom, my house, my yard, my
letterbox, etc. and my instincts are telling me I am leaping from the sofa
straight to the rest of the world. Is just knuckling down and concentrating
solely on ones health being realistic or self absorbed. If I am going to push
myself to do something should it be making J & R’s life easier (having house
and meals organised etc) or will there be benefits that flow from this ‘me’
time?
And is it fair to go into a course knowing your illness will not enable you to really immerse yourself in all that's being offered by such a wonderfully passionate inspiring group of teachers.
I think I know that what I am considering is more than I can chew but so
nice to dream ... if I could just get a few extra skills I know it would breath new life into my artwork...
quite the dilemma amity. it is nearly 20 years for me negotiating ME. the best advice i ever got on the subject was that it all depends on the quality of what your undertaking. in other words...does it feed your soul?
ReplyDeletei have found, within limits and with tons of rest before and after, if i decide to use some of my precious energy it must be something i really want to do. then the good brain chemicals messenger the body that all is well.
of course we can't always do just what we want because of daily life. but on the occasion i undertake that which makes my soul sing - with proper rest - i am amazed at how quickly i recover.
i'm happy your blogging. xxoo
I am feeling that it would truly be too hard. If I lived closer it might be different. I guess its a bit like having another baby to try and fix a relationship - stress added to stress doesn't generally make a situation better. I think it might be best if I concentrate on being strong at home first. If I do it next year then maybe I will be able to be more involved, participate in class more and get more out of it. I don't have much in the tank for family as it is and I think I should be reserving it for my husband and daughter at this point... keep the circles small.
DeleteIt is a lovely dream Amity. I hope it comes true for you one day. xxx
ReplyDeleteOh, I so relate to what you are saying here. I am a writer and for years have wanted to take a writing class or attend a writing conference, but I know I don't have the stamina for either. I have even considered an online class instead, but they all seem to meet at 1 pm (to accommodate both east and west coast US), and I know I can't skip my afternoon nap!
ReplyDeleteI can answer a few of your questions easily -
No, it is NOT self-absorbed to spend your time/energy taking care of yourself and trying to get well. It is absolutely necessary. Think of the impact on your family if you did not listen to your needs and did too much and ended up even sicker? Taking care of yourself is good for them and for you.
And, yes, I think it is always beneficial to your loved ones for you to do something for yourself and "feed your mind." I have trouble with this one, too - taking time/energy for myself - but I do think it is very important.
Good luck with your decision - it is a tough one. If you can't take this class, perhaps you can enlarge your creative possibilities in another way - perhaps a series of shorter classes (i.e. like a few hours' long) that wouldn't be so much of a commitment?
Sue